


Sing me a Nightmare ~:.

by Undercore



Series: ~.:Sing Me A Lullaby:.~ [1]
Category: Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: Anger, Bridge - Freeform, But in another work, Cutting, Dark subjects, Death, Depression, EmilyxMarmforeverxD, Feels, HERPDERP enjoy, Implied Death, Jack Lives, M/M, Mark's an ass, May make you cry, One sided relationship, Rain, Sad Ending, Sadness, Suicide Attempt, THIS FANFIC IS DONE HAVE FUN READING, There will be a happy ending, Trigger Warning!, dont read if you can't handle the mere mention of it, emily doesn't exist, graveyard, just so you know :p, mark sad, mostly set in Jack's appartment, pewdiepie/Felix Kjielberg, song stuff into this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-04-30 20:10:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5178065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Undercore/pseuds/Undercore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hold my hand while I fall...</p><p>Or at least whisper comfort in to my ear ....</p><p>But you can just leave me to drown alone...</p><p>I promise whatever you chose is okay...<br/>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sail

**Author's Note:**

> So the song to this is sail :p
> 
> m.youtube.com/watch?v=2CaypEojjKQ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hold my hand while I fall  
> Or at least whisper comfort in my ear

... This is how I show my love ...

Jack looked up to the dark cloudy sky, letting the cold rain hit is face, drenching his thin clothes and making him shiver. The evening city surrounded him, sirens wailing in the distance and winds blowing trough the small town.

... I made it in my mind because ...

He looked down at his phone, his hands shaking as he dialed a familiar number, lifting his phone to his ear. It ringed a couple of times before a smooth voice answered " Yello?" 

... I blame it on my A.D.D, baby...

Jack let out a little sigh of relief " Hey mark" he whispered softly. " Jack? You okay? You sound kinda hoarse." Mark commented, the sound of a bustling city was heard in the background and the Irishman could have sworn he was in the middle of Los Angeles with that racket. Jack smiled a little " Mark. Listen to  
me, okay? I need to talk to you before I go-" " Go? Jack? We're are you going?" Marks confused voice echoed out of the phone.

... This is how an angel dies ....

Jack looked down at the rushing river beneath him, balancing on the edge of the old stone bridge. "Mark, I've known you for a long time, you've been the best friend a guy could ever want. And I swear this isn't your fault, don't-" jack voice cracked a little and he shivered a little from a sudden draft of wind " don't you dare blame yourself, okay?" " jack, why does if-" mark's fearful voice began, but the Irish man cut him off " let me talk, mark." The American went quiet, the city noises the only thing being heard.

... I blame it on my own sick pride ....

" Mark Edward Fishbach, I love you." A sharp intake of breath could be heard over the other end. " And I wish I could have told you earlier, but I love you mark, I love you so, so much. Your voice, your hair, your eyes and god, just you. You're so kind and beautiful and you've been hurt so much, but you still face the world with a smile on your face- I-I wish I could do that.." Jack whispered, playing with the soaked hem of his shirt. " Jack? What- what are you talking about? Why does if sound like you're saying goodbye. Jack, are you at home or where are you ?" Mark's stressed voice echoed across the mostly empty space.

... I blame it on my A.D.D, baby....

" I'm on a bridge, overlooking a river. It's raining. I'm planning to jump off of this bridge as soon as I finish talking to you." Jack answered truthfully. He could hear some people behind him yelling for him to get off of the edge, probably some passer byes and he was sure that someone called the police. But it'll be too late by then, he'd make sure of that. " Jack! Oh my god! Get off of that bridge, don't you dare jump or fall. Don't please.." A slight pause where jack could here a scared intake of breath." And I swear to god I will not stop talking to you until someone gets you!"Mark whispered. 

.... Maybe I should cry for help ...

Jack smiled a little at his friends worried tone. But he couldn't live like this, he knew mark didn't love him like he loved the American and it was killing him, especially with everything else going on right now. Jack took a small shaky breath, just to make sure... " Mark do you love me?" He asked. There was silence on the other end, then " Jack do.not.jump. Please, god, don't fucking jump." Mark begged, ignoring the question entirely. Jack bit his lips at the answer, tears swelling in his eyes. Behind him he could hear sirens, someone shouting "it's jacksepticeye!" But he ignored them, all his attention, all his focus on mark. 

... Maybe I should kill myself ...

" Mark." He swallowed heavily, his eyes fixed on the dark, rushing water below him " answer me. Do you love me." There was another pause, before he heard ragged breathing and an answer that sealed his fate " No" jack closed his eyes, a icy numbness spreading in his chest. He knew, he knew it but he had to make sure. Taking a shaky breath, the Irishman started to talk, barely over a whisper " Well, I love you mark. And I really, really hoped you'd be the one to keep me here. But I can't live like this anymore. So I'm saying good bye... To the one I love." Mark could be heard, screaming over the phone to not jump, to wait for him. But the famous gamer just closed his eyes, focusing on mark's deep, smooth voice as he tilted forward, hearing terrified screams from behind him. The frantic screams from mark had turned to low volume whispers and begs and prayers after not hearing jack for a while. The man willed for him to keep talking, because his voice made him feels safe as he plummeted towards the water. 

The wind rushed passed him, his wet clothes stuck uncomfortably to his skin and he felt gravity's sickening pull. He felt the icy cold water as he it the surface, quickly sinking without any effort, swallowed by the dark trashing waves. He opened his eyes and watched the little lights of the city from beneath the surface. Everything was so damped and quiet, peaceful. Marks voice was gone though, he'd lost his phone at the impact. But that was okay. It was all going to be over soon, his limbs were already numb as he descended into unconsciousness...

Death 

... Sail me into the dark ...


	2. Say something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack lives!  
> Mark is sad!  
> No one is happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is say something
> 
> ( because I'm watching jack play Undertale I can't provide the song right now xD)

Say something I'm giving up on you,

Mark bit his lip, rubbing small circles on jacks cold hand with his thumb. God, jack felt so cold, so lifeless. He let his tired gaze rest on the young Irish man. Let his gaze wander over the tubes and the machines, the flower bouquets and presents, the get well cards and then back to jacks face. His eyes were closed and his breathing was steady. He looked so tired, but peaceful. His face was relaxed, his lips slightly parted and his hair was a mess on his head. 

I'll be the one if you want me to

" Jack..." Mark sighed, letting his head hang, gripping the man's hand tighter. " God, Jack. I'm so sorry." The American gulped, the words getting stuck in his throat, but he forced them out anyways. " I - It's my fault. I know it's my fault. I'm sorry I couldn't love you like you loved me. God, jack, I wish I could. Because you're so beautiful, with your goofy laugh and your loud,cheery voice- fuck, I'd give anything to hear that voice once more-" mark's voice cracked, his eyes filled with tears.

Anywhere I would have followed you

" Jesus Christ, Jack, please. Just say something!" Mark whispered hoarsely, feeling the tears start to run down his checks. " You can't just give up, you can't just throw yourself of a fucking bridge. I could learn to love you- I - I could try. I would do anything for you Jack - fucking.. Fucking anything!" Marked sobbed. Lifting his head to stare at his old friend. But all he got was a lip twitch from jack, whose peaceful face turned into a light grimace. 

Say something I'm giving up on you

" oh fuck, sorry jack.." Mark murmured, lifting his hand to caress jack's cheek. " I didn't mean to upset you. It's just.. It's been a month now. You haven't woken up, you've just been... Dreaming. And it's so hard to be okay. I mean..." Mark dropped his hand. " You jumped off of a bridge, you wanted to.." Mark shook his head " it's just.. What were you thinking?" Mark sighed. 

And in feeling so small..

" I just wishes, you hadn't tried to end it like that.." Mark murmured, dropping jacks hand and standing up, whipping away his tears. " Because it hurts. It hurts to know you tried to-tried to kill yourself because of..me." Mark closed his eyes " I wished you had told earlier, I wish..." Mark sighed and shook his head rubbing his eye with the palm of his hand. " I wish so much jack..."

It was so over my head

" but it's not going to work.." Mark said. " I'm going to go okay? I have to make sure Emily is ok, she was pretty shaken up by what happened. It's probably not what you want to hear, but she left me, the night you jumped. It was too much for her, my life and then you, someone she knew, jumping because of her boyfriend? Heh.." Mark walked over to the door. " But.. We're still friends..." Mark looked at jack one last time " Bye, jackaroo,  
Love you. It's always nice .. Talking with you..." Mark smiled a little, bidding his farewell to the Irish man, before leaving the room and quietly shutting the door behind him.

I know nothing at all

Jack's eyes twitched, then his hands. Slowly his eyes opened, revealing drowsy, confused ocean blue eyes, that looked around unfocused. Immediately a nurse came in, a small smile on her face.  
" nice to see you awake, Mr. McLoughlin. I'm afraid you just missed your friend." Jack, still dazed stared at the nurse In confusion.  
She walked over to him and checked the machine attached to him. " Your friend. Mark Fischbach I believe he is called?" Jack froze. Mark.

He was still alive.

Fuck.


	3. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacks awake  
> Mark cries  
> Stuff is still not resolved :p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song to this is clarity :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy this new chapter <3
> 
> Also, there might be a couple of writting mistakes & stuff, I wouldn't mind if you guys pointed them out ^^"

High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life

Jack sighed frustrated, running a hand trough his hair, sitting at the edge of his bed. It had been a couple of days since he had woken up, but he had asked to deny all visitors. In the time had, he looked trough all of the get well cards and letters from his fans. He'd often burst into tears, at which point the nurse would calm him down and tell him to take a break. He'd also taken the time to brace himself. He hadn't been ready to face mark the day he woke up. He knew he had hurt mark, it was inevitable, the American had been the last one he'd talked to. " before you jumped off a freaking bridge" he growled. 

Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time

But now he had told the nurse he was ready and mark was going to be here in a few minutes. God,he was nervous. Fuck, he was terrified. He had confessed his love, right before he tried to.. Kill himself. God, he was such an idiot. But.. Why did mark want to see him so badly? He was a mess, and mark didn't love him. He didn't love him. God, why had he fucking told mark that he loved him. He shouldn't have, he should have died, god, all of this would have been so much easier if he hadn't survived the fall. If would have -

 

Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends

His thoughts were cut off by a knock on his door. Startled, he jumped off his bed, frantically looking for something that would give away his thoughts. But all he had were the scars on his arms and his name on a piece of paper saying " suicide attempt". With a sigh he sat back down again, clutching the bed sheets nervously. Clearing his throat he called out " Come in." The door opened and a man stepped in, closing it behind him. He had dark fluffy hair with faint pink streaks running trough it. He had a stubble on his cheeks, chin and upper lip and beautiful chocolate eyes. He was wearing a familiars red flannel and a pair of dark skinny jeans. The look was completed by a black watch and a pair of sunglasses pushed back on his head. Lord, he was so beautiful, jack sucked in a breath. How could I leave this man behind? He wondered as he watched mark awkwardly shuffle into the room, taking the sunglasses of his head and putting them onto a table. There he stayed, looking down at the ugly plastic. " So..." Mark began in his deep voice, his eyes flickering briefly to jack. " Good to see you awake and walking." Jack snorted, pulling up his knees" Do you mean alive and not dead ?" Jack spat out. Mark eyes flickered up to him in shook, staring at him with horror written across his face. The Irish man instantly regretted being so harsh on mark. It's not his fault you're here he told himself, pushing himself off the bed " Sorry, sorry mark.." Jack murmured, running a hand trough his hair. 

 

A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

It felt so weird, being here with mark after they both knew that jack could have been dead. Should have been dead. There just was this uncomfortable feeling in the room. Jack's eyes shot up to stare at mark, his eyes a brilliant color of blue, while the American stared back, their eyes interlocking, nobody looking away. They stayed like this for a  
Moment, both tense and wary. Then mark let out a small sob and closed the space between them in a couple of steps, wrapping jack into a tight hug. " God fucking damn it jack!" Mark sobbed, his fingers digging into jack's skinny back. " I thought I had lost you, I thought I'd never see you alive again, never hear you fucking voice or see your fucking goofy as fuck smile ever again!" Mark pulled back, holding his friend by his shoulder, tears streaking down his blotchy red cheeks. " I thought I'd never be able to hug you again and talk to you. Sean, you scared the fuck out of me. I-I thought you'd died at first, that you'd died in that river and then.." Mark sniffed " and then I though you'd never wake up, that I'd have to pull the plug and watch you die right next to my. Fuck sake Sean, I thought I'd lost you!" After that mark broke into more sobs and tears, pulling jack back into a hug. The man stared at marks hair in surprise. Oh god, he'd hurt mark much more than he'd thought. He'd been such a freaking dick and that hurt him even more. He'd hurt mark, he'd hurt the man he loved. God, that was fucked up. That was so- jack bit his lip as tears began to swell in his eyes. " I-I'm sorry-" he chocked, his nose already Getting stuffy and runny. " I'm so sorry, mark. I didn't - I didn't know i'd hurt you so much- god. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry I'm sorry" jack whispered, wrapping his arms around his friend, running his fingers trough mark's fluffy hair. Mark closed his eyes, breathing in jack's scent and letting his warm seep trough his close. He enjoyed the feel of his friends thin frame under his arms and the shooting motion if Sean's fingers in his hair, because he was there. He was alive, he as breathing and he was there.

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need,

But

If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you


	4. Author's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little thing I wanted to say :P

So this fanfic will not end happy ever after. But I will make another one where the ending is happy. You might want to check that one out once I finish it, because the story will go differently after a certain point of time and a couple of chapters WILL be different from the original. I'm sorry for everyone who thought this might end happy ;-; The next chapter will be up soon, I promise. Also, this should become a 10+ chapter story ( If I don't just give up on it) I'm sorry for slow updates but my school days are long and I only find inspiration late at night, but by then I'm too tired to do anything. I have started on the new chapter :p and the song for this fanfic to sum it up will be Stay with me by sam smith. There will be a major character death in this, but I will not say who it is! :p here have random information that I am throwing at you because I'm really excited right now :p :3 .3.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qx48MOj1x8

and this is the song for the other one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f00fgKzRtdo


	5. Dynasty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack wasn't prepared for what mark decides to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is
> 
> Dynasty
> 
> m.youtube.com/watch?v=93li54xB1o4
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry for the kind of short chapter :p I'm really anxious to write some later chapters ^^

The scar I can't reverse

Jack stared at his ceiling, his eyes hooded and his limbs loose . He was breathing evenly and just looked peaceful in general. But in his mind, there was chaos. Mark had been living with him for the past week, taking care of him, entertaining him and just keeping a watchful eye out for him. They'd talked about future plans, about his channel and fans and about what he wanted to do. But he still would just lay in his bedroom more often than not and stare of into space with tears streaking down his cheeks. Mark would come in and sit down next to him, offering silent companionship. Sometimes when he was especially down, mark would carry him to the living room and tuck him under a blanket on the couch. He'd then proceed to make jack some warm tea, put on a movie and sit down next to the Irishman, holding him in a hug until jack calmed own and fell asleep. But jack would never really feel comfortable around mark. He was always nervous that mark would just stand up and leave because he remembered that jack loved him in a romantic way. Jack would always have a nagging fear in the back of his mind that mark would leave him because he had better things to do, that jack wasn't important enough for him. 

And the more it heals, the worse it hurts

Taking a deep breath, jack forced his tired limbs to work and hauled himself off of the bed, slowly walking out of his room and into the living area. What he saw did not make for a pretty sight. Mark was hunched over the table, his hands pulling on his hair as tears streamed down his face. A phone sat in front of the American, it obviously having to do with mark's distress. Unsure of what to do, jack cleared his throat, leaning in the doorway. Startled, mark sprang up, quickly whipping tears and snot from his face with his sleeve, quickly pocketing his phone. " Good morning, jack." Mark smiled weakly, eyes red and puffy and his nose stuffy. With a deep sigh, jack gave him a look " What happened?" He asked softly, walking towards mark. The raven haired youtuber sighed, sitting down again, new tears forming in his chocolate brown eyes. " Em-Emily messages me." Mark murmured, putting his phone back onto the table. Jack raised an eyebrow, standing next to mark. The latter stared up at him, brown eyes swimming with emotion. " She wants to get back together with me." Mark whispered.

Gave you every piece of me, no wonder it's missing

Jack's eyes widened, his heart stopping for a sec. Hah-  
Wait what?! Jack stared at his best friend, licking his lips hesitantly " And..?" Mark groaned " I don't know! I mean, I still love her!" He exclaimed, waving his hands around. " But she left you!" Jack growled " She left you when things got hard,  
But came back once everything calmed down." He slammed his fist against the table " How can you even think about taking her back?" He snarled, picking up marks phone and looking at the message " I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking straight. I got a little stressed out by jack's accident and didn't know what I was doing. I made the wrong decision, please forgive me- What is this bullshit?!" Jack yelled, waving the phone I front of mark's face." Accident? My suicide attempt, it's called a suicide attempt, hardly affected her, hell, I barely know her! And how do you know she's gonna stay if bad things happening make her run for the hills?" Mark stared at jack with a sad expression, lifting his hand to gently take the phone out of jack's hand.

Don't know how to be so close to someone so distant

" I think your thoughts are influenced by your feelings.." Mark murmured, looking down at the table. The Irishman blinked shocked " Excuse me?" Mark nodded, biting his lip nervously " Jack, I haven't just forgotten how you feel about me. Emily was just shocked that someone she knew, no matter how well, had tried to commit suicide. She needed time to think." A pair of chocolate brown eyes stared calmly at two angry blue eyes." Tell me jack. If we'd been together and I had left you because I couldn't deal with something , I needed time to think. Would you let me come back?" Jack opened his mouth to protest that wasn't fair, his cheeks tinted a slight red. So mark hadn't forgotten. But the man shook his head " Don't try to deny it jack. I love her." He looked up at his friend with determination, his eyes firm and believing " And I won't let her slip away."

Made it through the maze to find my one in a million

With that, mark grabbed his  
Phone, keys and jacket, shrugged on his shoes and stormed out of the house, furiously tipping on his phone. Jack was left in the living room,mouth open in shook with the front door open. He felt like he had been stabbed trough the heart. Fucking mark. One moment he was here and reachable and Jack's and the next he was gone, running after his fucking girlfriend. Jack close his eyes, his chest throbbing painfully as tears began to swell in his blue eyes. Fucking mark. Always kept stepping all over his fragile heart without intending to. " More like you're influenced by your emotions." Jack hissed, stumbling back into his room to curl up in his bed and cry. It just wasn't fair that that bitch got mark. It's wasn't fucking fair. And now he'd loose mark, because they'd be returning to LA to live together in their apartment again. And jack would be alone again, drinking and crying and smoking and just in general feeling like shit. Just like in the good old times. Fucking fantastic.

And now you're just a page torn from the story I'm building


	6. Can you feel my heart?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack is sinking without mark to hold him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter yee~ 
> 
> The song is:  
> Can you feel my heart  
> By bring me the horizon
> 
> m.youtube.com/watch?v=nNbZJ-lgAEg
> 
> I hope you like it ^^ I know my chapters are a bit short, but to me they feel just right :p
> 
> I hope you guys have a wonderful day 
> 
> ~cheers
> 
> Undercore

I'm scared to get close

Jack sat on a chair In his living room, shakily bringing a beer bottle to his lips. Taking another big swing, he placed it back onto the table and stood up, walking towards the sink. Bracing himself on the sides, he closed his eyes and let himself think. But no matter what he did, everything he thought about, his whole mind would drift and center around one thing. Mark. Fucking. Mark

And I hate being alone

Jack sighed, opening the cabinet to pull out a mug for tea, when he spotted a black mug with a pink mustache on it. It was mark's, he must had forgotten it here. He stared at it for a couple of heartbeats, his lip quivering. He squeezed tight his eyes and forced his tears to not fall, before gently closing the cabinet door, not even bothering to take out a cup now. He dragged himself to his window, lifting his eyes to stare out at the gloomy landscape. A light fog hung over his town, dark clouds covered the sky and the surrounding area was wet from rain that has just stopped minutes ago. A couple of people walking on the streets, minding there own business. 

And I long for that feeling To not feel at all

Jack felt alone. No, he was alone. He'd stopped answering his phone, he hadn't posted a video in a couple of days and he had practically disappeared off of social media. " just like before you tried to kill yourself.." He whispered to himself, pressing his cold hand against the icy glass. " What kind of stupidity will you do this time, I wonder?" He shoot a look back at the bottle of alcohol scattered throughout his apartment. " probably drink yourself to death..." He murmured darkly, pushing himself away from the window. " Not like many would miss you anyways." Taking slow sluggish steps towards his room, he kept seeing mark out of the corner if his eye, sitting on the couch, watching tv or washing the dishes or coming back home after going shopping. Or he'd hear mark's beautiful laugh, hear one of their late night conversations echo trough the house. 

The higher I get

And it hurt. It hurt to be here where mark had been so often, had comforted, had taken care of him in his time of need. And now mark was gone and jack could feel himself slipping again. And it wasn't a slow tumble , he was falling without anything in his way to prevent him from reaching rockbottom. He could feel the silence, the loneliness wear down upon him. He'd felt empty laying in his bed late at night, unable to cry because he didn't have the strength to do that anymore. It had been a wonder he had even been able to go to the living room to drink his sorrows away for a little while.

The lower I'll sink

But now he was back In his bed, curled up in a fetal position, his face buried in his pillow. He wish he would fall asleep and never wake up again. It would make everything do much easier and he wouldn't have to deal with life anymore. Sighing, he limply ran a hand trough his hair and started whispering to himself with every intent of hurting himself. He needed to sleep and the best way was to cry yourself to sleep, everyone knew that.

I can't drown my demons,

So jack lay in his bed, screaming and crying his heart out, without anyone to hear him. And in the darkness, sobbing in crying, jack didn't hear the gentle knock on the door and the soft call of his name. By the time a shadow stepped into the man's room he was asleep, tears tracks still fresh on his cheeks.

they know how to swim 

" oh god, jack..." The voice whispered, crouching down next to the man, cupping his cheek gently. " You don't deserve this..." Murmured the man, standing up and covering jack with a blanket. " I hope mark comes back, I hope he doesn't completely abandon you jack, because fuck, I don't want to see you sink so low again." The man's voice quivered, then he left the room and made himself comfortable on the couch, turning on the Tv and watching it on low volume.

Can you feel my heart?


	7. Diary of Mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix has popped by

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No there will be no diary of mark! I just changed diary of jane I diary of mark.
> 
> Btw, diary of jane is the song for this chapter : m.youtube.com/watch?v=AiBG6vuLrzY

If I had to  
I would put myself right beside you

Mark laughed, poking jack in the side, his eyes sparkling with joy and his face spread in to a wide grin." Hey!" Jack squeaked, pushing mark away from him and jumping to his feet, running behind the table. Mark giggled, pushing himself off of the couch. " Oh my god! I can't believe I never found out you were ticklish!" Jack sent him a death glare, trying to hide behind one of the chairs. " Shut up! I am not ticklish!" He yelled, his bright green hair peeking out over the edge of seat. The American chuckled, starting to walk around the table . " Yeah right, then stand still and let me test your statement!" Jack shook his head, walking around the table too, moving in sync with mark. " Nope! Nope! Nope!" Jack shook his head again, smiling. " You'll never catch me!" He exclaimed. " oh really?" Mark asked, his voice deepening as he raised an eyebrow, pausing to send jack a look. 

And I don't mind  
If you say this love is the last time

Jack gulped, his cheeks reddening a bit " N-Nope!" He laughed breathily, trying to avoid mark's gaze. . But with jack off guard, mark shot around the table, tackling the younger Irish man to the ground. Jack let out a surprised yell as they both fell to the ground, mark landing on top of him. "Got you~" mark whispered into his ear, their chests pressed against each other. " Ye-Yeah.." Jack chocked, his face burning. Mark smirked, pushing himself up, so that he was hovering over jack, the Irishman staring up at him with big blue eyes, unsure of what he was going to do. Mark's eyes softened, a small smile forming on his lips. Jack furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as mark began to lean forward, their warm breaths mingling. Mark let out a small " I want you" before their lips meet, soft and sweet at first, their eyes falling shut, enjoying the buzzing feeling of each other's mouthes. Jack tangled his fingers in marks hair, running them trough the fluffy strands. God, mark's lips were like heaven, so soft, so caring, so-so-

There's a fine line between love and hate.

Jack gasped, sitting up. He looked around confused at the loss of warmth and mark, only seeing darkness. Oh right, he was alone in his bed, he was always going to be alone wasn't he? He was about to roll out of bed like usual, but paused when he heard low voices coming from his living room. Warily, he put his feet on the cold wooden floor, as quiet as possible and made his way to the door. Opening it slowly, he peered out, noting that the tv was on. But when he glanced at the couch, his mouth fell open in surprise. Felix was sitting on his couch, his head tilted at a weird angle and drool dripped from his mouth. " What the fuck?!" Jack exclaimed loudly, opening his door fully and stepping into the other room. 

Something's getting in the way.

Felix jerked, his eyes flying open as he looked around confused " Wha-? What happen'?" He mumbled confused. Jack glared at him " Yer in me house, ye idiot." Felix blinked a couple of times, bracing his hands on the couch, before pushing himself up, a small smile breaking out on his handsome face. " oh yeah!" The man laughed. Jack pursed his lips " What are you doing here?" The Swedish man's smile faltered and his bright blue eyes went from amused to serious in the blink of an eye. " About that..." Felix sighed. He walked over to the table, his fingers tracing the swirled wood patterns on the flat surface. " You need to talk to mark again. You need to talk to somebody, anybody."

Something's just about to break

The Irish man flinched at the man's name, his defenses instantly shooting up. " No I don't!" Jack barked, balling his hands into fists and giving felix a deathly glare. " I don't need to see him, I don't need to talk to him! I don't need anybody!" Felix eyes shot up, giving jack a disbelieving look , his glare challenging to continue is obvious lie.

Well challenge fucking accepted.

" Fuck you." Jack growled at him. The blond furrowed his eye brows " what?" Jack smiled grimly, a glint in his eyes as he stepped forward. " I said fuck you. I don't need you, I don't need him. I'm just fine without you. So, fuck you. Who gave you the right to break into my fucking house and tell me what to do anyways?" Jack yelled, waving his arms in the air. " It's not like you gave a fuck when I tried to kill myself! It's not like you came to the hospital! None of you came, all I got was measly get well cards!" The younger man practically screamed. Felix opened his mouth to reply, his eyes wide in shook, but jack shook his head, anger boiling up inside of him. " Am I that worthless? I.tried.to.kill.myself! The only person who visited me was mark! And he ended up leaving me as well! Well, fucking sorry for questioning why the fuck you're here, because you have no right! YOU have no fucking RIGHT to be here. I don't even want to see you!" Jack snarled, his eyes burning with tears as he continued. " I might be lonely here, I might be fucking depressed and I might still love mark and I might get my heart torn apart every fucking DAY. But at least I don't have to live with you as my friends!" Now jack was crying, but the words wouldn't stop. He knew he didn't really mean it, he wanted to take it back, but he kept talking, not able to stop. He watched as Felix's face morphed from shock, to anger to fear and then to horror. 

I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.

" I'm always on the edge, every night I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP! I've been drinking so much It's a surprise I'm still even ALIVE! But I don't even fucking care! Every day, every day I wish I hadn't woken up. I wish I'd never wake up because then nothing would be torturing me and I could just dream. But no, I have to drag myself trough everyday even though there is no fucking POINT! AND IM SICK OF IT!" Jack screamed, falling to his knees and pulling at his hair in frustration. " I just want it all to stop! The voices in my head, the fucking ache in my chest and the constant wish to just DIE!"

Desperate, I will crawl, Waiting for so long

Felix licked his lips, unable to find a good reply to what jack had just said, so instead he bent down, gently pulling jack into a hug. " Hey..." He whispered as jack clung to him, burying his head into his shoulder, tears staining his shirt. " Hey..... It's going to be okay." He Swedish man promised, rubbing Jack's back gently, trying to comfort him. " No, it won't" came the muffled reply.

No love, there is no love

But this time Felix couldn't bring himself to lie, so he nodded, pressing a soft kiss to Jack's head. " I hate you. I hate you so much..." The younger man sobbed. " I know..." Felix sighed.

Die for anyone  
What have I become?

 

He was going to call mark, this was worse than he had thought.


	8. So Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter! The next one is just going to be the epilogue :p a little small thing to finish off the story.
> 
> The song for this chapter is so cold: m.youtube.com/watch?v=ga94wVeFBac

Oh, you can't hear me cry

"Jack- what's wrong?" Mark asked quietly. 

Jack didn't answer, just stared at the man.

They were sitting across of each other at the table, both clutching a warm tea in their hands, both uncomfortable with their current situation.

" Jack?" Mark prompted his friend, a hand reaching out over the table to give him a nudge. " Jack, please, talk to me..." Jack leaned away from the touch, his eyes glaring down at the hand. He lifted his cup and took a sip from the tea. It tasted bland and disgusting, but he'd drink more if it would give him more time to not talk." Jack!" Mark said, his voice inpatient. " Stop moping around and tell me what's wrong!" 

See my dreams all die

Blue eyes looked up sharply, staring at the half Korean with burning anger. His clutch on the mug of tea tightened and he visibly tensed, his arms shaking a little. " Stop moping?" He hissed quietly, his voice eerily calm in contrast to his snarling face. Mark's face drained of color as he realized what he had said, his mouth slowly opening to give jack an apology "stop MOPING?" The Irishman snarled, slamming his hands against the table as he leaned forward. " This isn't moping, ye little shite! This is me coping with having you in the same fucking room as me!" Mark blinked a couple of times, his brow furrowing in confusion " What?" He asked stupidly. Jack bit back a stinging reply, but then thought Fuck it and said it anyways. " You hurt me mark! Every time I think of you, every time I see you or hear your voice it, kills me! You make me want to drink a dozen liters of alcohol, you make me want to smoke until I have cancer, you make me want to fall asleep and never wake up again, you make me want to throw myself off of the biggest skyscraper I can find!" Jack yelled, taking a deep breath before continuing, " and do you know why? D'you know why?"

From where you're standing  
On your own.

His friend shook his head, tears swelling in his eyes but not falling. There was a small pause, the air between them tense, the silence unbearably long. 

It's so quiet here

 

" Because I still fucking love you.." Jack hissed brokenly, rubbing his face with his hands. " because I still love you even through everything you've put me trough." Mark gulped, licking his dry lips " everything I've put you trough?" He asked carefully.

And I feel so cold

" yes!" Jack exclaimed, his eyes wide, a thousand emotion bubbling up inside of him. " Yes! I tried to not love you, tried to hide my emotion but it was so fucking obvious that even your fucking girlfriend could tell! But did I get a single word from you?" He growled, bitter. " No! Even after I jumped off of a fucking bridge, you never talked about how I felt about you! It was all about fucking Emily! FUCKIG EMILY!" Jack screamed, knocking over his tea in his anger. He flinched a bit as some of the droplets hit him, but did not stop with his rant. " You've known me for years, years! And yet all you cared about was your pretty little Emily! Did you even stop, once to think about me? Did that one week  
mean nothing to you!? Do I not mean anything to you!?" 

This house no longer

The other man, sighed as he ran a hand trough his unruly black hair.  
" jack- I- I don't know.." Mark whispered. " Of course you mean something to me, but I don't love you like you love me, I don't feel the way you do and it's hard to be around you knowing that. Emily is safe as sweet and she's home, she's the one I'll spend the rest of my life with.. You're.." Mark trailed off, his hands waving in the air, searching for a fitting word.

Feels like home.

" nothing." Jack whispered sadly. "No!" Mark yelled, his eyes wide and frantic " No! You're-You're not nothing! You mean allot to me, it's just Emily is my life right now, she's what I have to focus on. She's my sun, jack, she's all I have!" He tried I explain.

Oh, when you told me you'd leave

"No-no.." Jack sighed, picking up the mug and throwing a cloth onto the puddle. " I get it.." He whispered, placing the mug carefully into the sink. 

I felt like I couldn't breathe

" You do..?" Mark asked, hope shining in his eyes as he stood up, walking towards his friend, a  
Hand gripping his shoulder. " You get why I can't be here for you? Why you'll have to make it on your own?" He asked quietly, rubbing his thumb against Jack's shoulder blade in a comforting gesture. 

Then I called you at home

" yeah.." Jack nodded, his throat closing up. God, he couldn't do this without mark or somebody by his side. No, no, no. He couldn't be alone again. " I get it, I'll be fine. You can go." Jack said, turning around to give mark a smile he hoped didn't look too heartbroken. Apparently it had worked, because mark gave him a small smile back before enveloping him into a hug. 

You said that you weren't alone

Jack hugged him back, clutching his flannel tightly and breathing in his scent for the last time. " Thank you jack, thank you so,so much for understanding." Mark laughed softly.  
" no worries.." Jack whispered, a couple of tears rolling down his cheeks. " No worries..."

I should've known better  
Now it hurts much more.

That was the last time mark saw jack.

You caused my heart to bleed and  
You still owe me a reason  
'Cause I can't figure out why...  
Why I'm alone and freezing  
While you're in the bed that she's in  
And I'm just left alone to cry


	9. Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a little thing, that yeah jack died, he killed himself.... Mark had I move on and is now living with his girlfriend in a small cottage. 
> 
> The song for this I lullaby :p

Please let me take you  
( or let you fall)

An eerie silence settled over the graveyard, a fine morning mist hung in the air and grey clouds covered the sky. A man stood by a grave, a single rose resting limply in his fingers. 

Out of the darkness and into the light  
( just stay in the darkness)

Written into the pale granite were a couple of words, the biggest being R.I.P Seán William Mcloughlin  
'  
Cause I have faith in you  
(No I don't)  
That you're gonna make it through another night  
( you're not)

The man crouched down, placing the rose onto the grave gently. He pressed his fingers to his lips, then pressed them against the gravestone " Love you Jack..."The man sighed, his eyes rimmed red from crying.

Stop thinking about the easy way out ( Just let go)

" Mark..." A voice called out from te distance. Mark closed his eyes, his forehead aching aching, something that had developed after jack had.. Died. Rubbing his head, he stood up, smiling down sadly at the grass covered dirt " Bye Jack.." He whispered quietly. Lingering for a moment, his heart aching, before turning around and heading back down the gravely road thowards Emily, who was waiting for him by the car, huddled up in a warm blue winter jacket, her long ginger hair curling over her shoulders. " You ready to go home?" She asked, her voice muffled by her scarf. Mark nodded and together they got into the car, driving down the road in silence, both lost in thought.

There's no need to go and blow the candle out   
( yes there is)

Today was the anniversary of Jack's death, a years later.

Because you're not done   
( yes you are)   
You're far too young   
( no you're not)  
And the best is yet ( never ) to come...


End file.
